Idiots are invincible

For some, of course, exercise is like “lifting something that does not need lifting and running when no one is chasing you.” You suggest going for a run and they answer: “You must be joking. My team is playing today. In any case, when I feel the urge to go running, I lie down and wait for it to pass.” Clearly, watching sports is not the same as participating.

Find a sport or activity that suits you and offers you enough satisfaction for you to want to invest and participate in it. To find it, however, you must try it. Team up and go running with an “eagle,” a high-performance individual who will pull you out from under the duvet next time it feels too heavy to move.

Things do not always turn out the way we want

Got a car? According to statistical data30 the moment you buy a car you enter a lottery with a jackpot of three accidents in your lifetime.

Things do not always turn out the way we want. Setbacks are an integral part of life. You will do well to accept this and be as prepared as possible for “dark winters” and lean seasons. As we have said, it is not what happens to you but how you react to it and what you do about it.

Make copies of your keys (especially the car keys). Keep them in strategic places, so that they are handy at any given moment. Always have in mind an alternative Plan B or rescue plan. – Dr Ro

Tolerate uncertainty

Someone once said that uncertainty is the price of freedom. A degree of uncertainty is inevitable in every situation. Uncertainty is usually the product of a lack of knowledge and information, particularly when the situation is unexpected, and conditions are unfamiliar. Aim to reduce uncertainty by collecting information and acting accordingly.

Allow me to suggest that it is best to abandon the “I have to be certain” rule. Instead, tell yourself, “Why not? A little uncertainty adds colour to my life. If everything was predictable, it would be very boring.”

One of the most common areas of uncertainty is human relationships. People are unpredictable and often react completely unexpectedly. Other times they send mixed messages. Accept the fact there are no good-working-order guarantees for relationships, not even … for the first three years or the first 100,000 kilometres. Even the happiest couples may have to accept the fact that both partners will grow, sometimes in significantly different directions.

To reduce or resolve misunderstandings, ask the other person how they feel, what exactly they mean, what they want and what they are expecting from you. Then listen and try to understand the other person’s point of view – preferably putting aside pride and biases, withholding judgment, and avoiding rushing to conclusions.

Let us examine an example of an uncertain and, for many, unfamiliar situation. Public speaking is first on the list of people’s most common phobias and ranks higher than spiders and snakes. What is the recommended plan of action?

If you cannot avoid a problem, accept it, and admit that it may be one of your most thorny experiences. Do your research and prepare your notes. The better prepared you are, the less stress and uncertainty you will experience.

To illustrate the point, if you were required to talk about a topic of your expertise, or to submit a single thing you know very well – let us say, your name – I do not think it would be quite as agonizing.

Train for your exposure to an audience by talking in front of a mirror, to your cat or your dog, your grandpa – who cannot hear without his hearing aid – or anyone else you want. Demosthenes, the ancient Greek orator, who could not pronounce the letter “R,” managed it with a pebble in his mouth; you, mighty Ro method students, will not be beaten!

At the same time, try to change your frame of mind: “Given that I have decided to do this, I am going to enjoy it!”

Then go for it. If it goes well, all is good. If it does not, that’s okay too. What have you learnt? What will you do differently next time? In the worst-case scenario, you will never be invited to speak again (all the better for you, unless you have decided to become a professional public speaker).

Improve your self-awareness

If we can identify our stressors, the types of situations that create stress for us and find out when they occur, we can actively prepare for them. By applying specific techniques, we can then tackle them successfully. Go back and re-read the relevant chapter on the sources of stress. Examine and record, if you haven’t already, the stressors you encounter regularly. Identify your ineffective emotional and behavioural responses. Practice challenging your self-destructive thoughts and habits and replacing them with positive ones.

Check-up reminders

The following exercise can help you identify moments of intensity during the day and help you act and confine them.

Set the timer on your watch or the alarm clock on your mobile phone to chime every hour.31 If you do not own one of these devices (very unlikely), take advantage of the steadily recurring signals in your environment. The aim is to identify a signal, an audio or visual stimulus that will remind you to monitor your condition at regular intervals.

Every time you hear or come across one of these signals, take a deep breath; relax from the tension, and check, “Where am I? Am I in ‘the comfort zone?’ Am I enjoying what I am doing?” If not, ask yourself, “What could I adjust or improve and make this activity more enjoyable?”

Where am I?

Using stress for self-development

Stress is good for us! According to motivational speakers (and US presidents), to describe “crisis” Chinese use two characters that translate as “opportunity blowing in a dangerous wind.” ³²

When written in Chinese, the word “crisis” is composed of two characters. One represents danger, and the other represents opportunity. – John F. Kennedy

Although the translation may not be that accurate, truth is that every problem does bring with it an opportunity for growth.

Ask yourself, “What does this problem have to teach me?”

When you think about it, our worst experiences have taught us the most valuable lessons in life.

Work on your skills

A saying goes “If you want more out of life, make yourself more useful.” Ensure that you devote a minimum of half-an-hour per day to your self-development.

Useful skills that can be improved include time, stress and anger management, assertiveness, negotiation, communication, manners and social skills, and general knowledge on various conversational subjects. Self-improvement will be further discussed in Chapter 15.

Reduce the demands made by others – and yourself